Wednesday, 15 June 2016

Terrible Dating Advice - A Reason To Giggle

Spice up your first date by wearing angel wings and refusing to talk about it. If a woman accuses you of using her for sex, then tell her you intend to use her as a human shield. 


Tip 1 - Here is a great line for your online dating profile


“I wanna be your favourite hello and hardest goodbye”
 
With a dating profile line like that, even this guy could get a date.


Tip 2 - Try to be cute


If you are a guy, there is nothing wrong with trying to be cute. Dress up in a bunny costume and burn your name into her lawn. Or, if you have a little cash, hire three men to kidnap her, and then rescue her with your Batman costume on.


Tip 3 - Here is another dating profile line that may work for you


Looks Fade, But Memories Last Forever

Here is a picture of a family making memories:

If the term “Looks Fade” is true, then how come people that are really ugly do not get better looking as they age. Aren’t their ugly looks fading?


Tip 4 - Do you want more hugs?

Learn the Heimlich maneuver
Remember, it is always fun to have two guys fight over you…unless the ugly one is winning.

Most men like to think they are single by choice. 
The trouble it, it isn’t “their” choice.

Tip 5 - Always try to be romantic


I am so bad at dating that I tried romancing homeless people…and I still couldn’t get them to stay over. 

I’ve been on so many blind dates that the state gave me a free dog. 




My sister dated a guy that was so bald that she could see what he was thinking.

Okay, I admit it, I put that joke in because I wanted to include the sexy lady in my blog post. I am working on getting a life, I promise.

Tip 5 - Here is what you write on your dating profile

I'm "ambitious" - I plan on taking over the world.
 
I'm "kind" - I once gave a homeless person a photograph of a sandwich
 
I'm "independent" - I wrote this all by myself
 
I'm also "energetic" - I used to have energetic sex with fairground workers because every time I screamed she went faster


Men only have two emotions = Horny and Hungry.
If he has an erection, make him a sandwich.

Tip 6 - If sex is your intention, then just be up front about it

When you meet on your first date, allow a condom to fall out of your wallet or purse. Maybe try letting seven or eight fall out, just to be sure he or she sees that you are in demand.












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