Thursday, 16 June 2016

Soccer Jokes And Funny Pictures


He said "Get Off"
Not "Get Em Off"

This guy wouldn't know a yellow card if it was under his nose.


My girlfriend wears a goalie’s jersey so I will marry her.
She keeps telling me she is a keeper. 

My soccer ball is always touching my girlfriend up. 
I think he gets a kick out of it.

I call my girlfriend Cinderella when she plays soccer.
She is always running away from the ball.




A bad soccer team is like an old bra.
It only has old cups, and has very little support. 


Always take investment advice from a soccer player. 
They are good at using their heads.


Teach a player about knots, and maybe the score will tie.


 Watching Greece play in the Euro is always funny. 
Every time the ref flips a coin...it goes missing.

Vodaphone is sponsoring the Spanish team.
EA is sponsoring the French team. 
Germany is sponsoring the Greek.



 Soccer players spend so much time spitting on the pitch, and then when they are fouled, they go and roll in it for five minutes.


It was his birthday the other day. 
I sent him a red card.

 She is afraid of domestic violence, so she only dates football players from losing teams. 
They don't beat anyone.


I like the picture above because Rooney’s face is so innocent and dumb that it really looks like he would fall for the pool joke. I had quite a few captions for the picture above, so here are a couple that didn’t make the cut.

Alt Caption - Manager Tells Rooney To Take A Dive

Alt Caption - Rooney Leaps In To Give Downed Player A Big Hug


 God and the devil agreed to a game of football. God had all the best players because all good players go to heaven.
And yet the devil's team still won.
The devil had all the refs.


A referee arrived in heaven. Saint Peter asked if he had ever done anything brave. The ref told him that he gave a penalty against a mobster-owned team. Saint Peter asked, "When was this?" To which the referee replied, "About 3 minutes ago."


Before my last joke, I would like to give a shout out to SoccerKeep.com. Their free statistics-tipping tool gave me the soccer results for England vs. Wales today in the Euro 2016. I was a bit dubious because the statistics tool said England would win, and yet England were losing during the first half, but I placed the bet and won £88 when England scored the winning goal during the 91st minute. 

Ronaldo changes a light bulb by holding the bulb in the light socket.
He must think the world revolves around him.


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