Saturday, 4 April 2015

25 Reasons To Giggle

I think my schoolteachers were flirting with me during my exams.
They used to put little kisses next to my answers.

My girlfriend says I kiss like a Jack Russell.
Its the last time I let her look after rusty.

It takes more muscles to frown than smile
Is that why fat people are so jolly?

My blind date took elocution lessons, did her hair, bought a new outfit and took a comedy course. Turns out she was fat.

How do obese people make friends?
No, seriously, I’m getting lonely.

If I started making porn movies…do you think I could make it big?  (Giggity)

I watched 300 on the Internet last night
It’s the weirdest porno I have ever seen.

Bilbo Baggins had trouble making friends at school.
He was one of the shyer kids.

I put a pin through my best friend’s condom in his wallet, and my wife got pregnant.

My friend died last night.
She didn’t reshare a post 15 times on Google+.

Why don’t ladies toilets install photo booths and be done with it?

Take 50 selfies to pick the best one, and then walk around looking like the other 49.

I knew my selfie was ugly when the Image optimization software made it darker.

I ordered a book on eBay called “Use eBay to scam people.”
The seller closed his account before sending it.

I called the “Scammed Victims Hotline” at £17.50 per minute.

I paid £300 to join the “Make a friend today”
I thought membership would be higher because the salesman said there was one born every minute.

The prince kissed Sleeping Beauty back to life.
It didn’t go down too well when I trawled the coma wards.

Treat your woman like a fighter plane.
Get inside her five times per day and take her to heaven and back.

My girlfriend asked if I would kiss her under the mistletoe.
I said I wouldn’t kiss her under anesthetic.

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