Thursday, 26 March 2015

Drunk, Dumb and Dirty….A Perfect Combination

Worry not young ones. The jokes on here are not too dirty and there are no rude images. You can read these over your grandma's shoulder without blushing. Here are a few rib ticklers about being drunk, being dumb or being rude/dirty. 

My girlfriend thought it would be sexy if I dressed as a doctor.
She wasn’t too impressed when I removed her appendix.

What do a rabbit and an apple have in common?
They both have big ears…except for the apple

My girlfriend wanted us to act like a proper couple.
So I got drunk and started an argument.

When I was drunk last night I kissed my boss.
It is no fun being self employed.

Jenny: You are drunk
Samuel: No I’m not
Jenny: You can’t even tell the time
So Samuel walked up to a clock and said to it, “I’m not drunk.”

The library doesn’t stock books on suicide.
People don’t bring them back.

She complains when I come home drunk, so I stopped coming home.

My girlfriend has videos of her undressing on porn sites.
She was horrified when she found out I posted them there.

My friend was so drunk he couldn’t walk home.
Turns out he left his wheelchair at the pub.

 I shaved off my friend’s eyebrows whilst he was asleep drunk.
I must say, he didn’t look surprised.

Sandra: My sister said you had drunk sex with her last night. Was she lying?
Barry: Yes…she was in a sitting position.

If drinking was an illness, they would let you call into work drunk.

As the blind bull said, “I have never had an eye for darts.”

I must have been drunk as a child.
Everybody remembers what I did, but I don’t.

My deaf friend was so drunk he started to slur his hands.

My girlfriend only wants sex when she’s drunk
Pity its not with me.

Since this one was so popular when I shared it on Google+, I have added it here. 

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